Posts by David Benjamin
The eternal light on my dashboard
The eternal light on my dashboard By David Benjamin “A car doesn’t understand why it’s driving anywhere.” — Bart Selman, professor of computer science, Cornell University PARIS — The first car I ever drove (with a license) was my mother’s 1961 Ford Fairlane, referred to affectionately by friends as the Brown Bomb. Because Mom’s Ford…
Read MoreHow Little Donny ended up in military school
How Little Donny ended up in military school By David Benjamin “Alabama will NOT see any impacts from #Dorian. We repeat, no impacts from Hurricane #Dorian will be felt across Alabama. The system will remain too far east.” — Anonymous official, National Weather Service, Birmingham QUEENS, ca. 1955 — All the kids in Mrs. Otterbein’s…
Read MoreArmball: The ancient roots of soccer
Armball: The ancient roots of soccer By David Benjamin “If God had wanted man to play soccer, he wouldn’t have given us arms” — Mike Ditka MADISON, Wis. — Ever since I played two-line soccer at recess in grade school, I’ve been puzzled by the anomaly that soccer is the only team sport that doesn’t…
Read MoreMy hayseed handicap
My hayseed handicap By David Benjamin MADISON, Wis. — A few unrelated events sent me back this week. First, there were indications all around town that a new school year was starting. This lent a measure of urgency to my dialog with a young barista at my morning coffee joint, named Tay, who was making…
Read More"Devious pathways"
“Devious pathways” By David Benjamin “Sharp social race separation of whites and blacks has shown itself to be necessary in the United States of America, even if it leads in certain cases to human hardness, as when a mongrel of predominantly white appearance is nevertheless reckoned among the niggers.” — Third Reich teacher’s guide, 1934…
Read MoreYoung cannibals
Young cannibals By David Benjamin “Q: What’s the difference between cannibals and liberals? “A: Cannibals don’t eat their own.” — Lyndon Johnson MADISON, Wis. — According to the New York Times’ TV show, “The Weekly,” the new rallying cry of the post-pubescent left in America is “Green New Deal.” Although only a slogan, it signifies…
Read MoreOnly the white guys live forever
Only the white guys live forever By David Benjamin “We here have little chance for glory or advancement. While some of our brother officers are leading their well-publicized campaigns against the great Indian nations — the Sioux and the Cheyenne — we are asked to ward off the gnat stings and flea bites of a…
Read MoreThe Big Orange: Number 7 with a bullet
The Big Orange: Number 7 with a bullet By David Benjamin MADISON, Wis. — A new index is effectively making more coherent the wave of repressive and reactionary “populism” that has emerged in the last decade on every continent. Compiled by the International Council on Political and Ideological Measurement (ICPIM), based in Bern, Switzerland, this…
Read MoreNo tomatoes for you. You either. Or anybody!
No tomatoes for you. You either. Or anybody! By David Benjamin “Philip answered him, ‘It would take more than half a year’s wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!” — John 6:7 PARIS — Taken literally, capitalism is the most ruthless and horrifying economic system ever conceived. Lately however, as…
Read MoreMake America Gangland Again
Make America Gangland Again By David Benjamin “To me being a gangster was better than being president of the United States.” — Ray Liotta (Henry Hill) in Goodfellas (1990) PARIS — It’s a photo that’s been sticking in my memory — Donald Trump toddling along meekly beside North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, blessing the…
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