Posts by David Benjamin
The year of the Ape Man
The year of the Ape Man by David Benjamin “I am as free as nature first made man, Ere the base laws of servitude began, When wild in woods the noble savage ran.” — John Dryden, Conquest of Granada (1672) MADISON, Wis. — Lately, my know-it-all attitude has been getting me into trouble. A high-school…
Read More… Real white of you
… Real white of you by David Benjamin “You’re a slave in your own country, White Man. Each year you get to keep less of the fruits of your labor; each year it gets more difficult to carry the burden the aliens have placed upon you; each year the cheap labor of aliens makes your…
Read MoreFix it, America
Fix it, America by David Benjamin “Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information upon it.” — Samuel Johnson MADISON, Wis. — Sam Johnson’s observation on the nature of knowledge keeps coming back to me, sometimes unexpectedly. The latest occasion was a comment by Paul…
Read MoreThe roar of the grease stain, the smell under the hood
The roar of the grease stain, the smell under the hood by David Benjamin “Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car.” — E. B. White MADISON, Wis. — The presumptuous Republican presidential candidate styles himself as a man of the people, the buddy of the working class. But how…
Read MoreThe NRA's worst nightmare
The NRA’s worst nightmare by David Benjamin “The Bible says that homosexuals should be put to death… Obviously, it’s not right for somebody to just, you know, shoot up the place… these people all should have been killed, anyway, but they should have been killed through the proper channels…” — Pastor Steven Anderson, Faithful Word…
Read MoreThe universal kitchen table
The universal kitchen table by David Benjamin “Out of the kitchen, to stew is to fret, to worry, to agitate. In the kitchen, however, to stew is to have great expectations” — Molly O’Neill PARIS — In another life, with another wife, my in-laws were Ralph and Edie, who lived above a store in Jamaica…
Read MoreThe Achilles’ kisser of Donald Trump
The Achilles’ kisser of Donald Trump by David Benjamin “Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?” — Donald Trump PARIS — It’s a mystery — especially given the example he has established — why none of his opponents for the presidency of the United States have attacked…
Read More“We could dump it… over the rail”
“We could dump it… over the rail” by David Benjamin MADISON, Wis. — My kid brother, Bill, had no particular plans. His style was to go with the flow, roll with the punches. You could get into Bill’s face but you couldn’t get much lip. He’d find an angle of deflection. He’d step aside with…
Read MoreA really great — incredible! — foreign policy plan!!
A really great — incredible! — foreign policy plan!! by David Benjamin “His first hundred days would be riveting.” — Ari Fleischer TRUMP HEADQUARTERS, NEVERNEVERLAND U.S.A. — Listen! The first thing we do — first thing! — we buy Mexico. The whole country. I mean, that’s how I do things. I make deals! I’m a…
Read MoreGetting Peggy back
Getting Peggy back by David Benjamin MADISON, Wis. — We’re getting my sister back. We began to lose Peg, my previously bossy big sister, when her body was taken over by a merciless mystery called lupus. It invaded her kidneys, eventually devouring them. She got a replacement kidney, named Steve, from a young man who…
Read More