The Weekly Screed

The worst of the worst in the whole wide world

By David Benjamin | 05/17/2024 | Comments Off on The worst of the worst in the whole wide world

by David Benjamin   “We shall fight against them, throw them in prisons and destroy them.” —Vladimir Putin “When I look at myself in the first grade and I look at myself now, I’m basically the same.”  ― Donald Trump   MADISON, Wis.—For a while, I’ve been thinking about who deserves a Top Ten spot…

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The Liz quiz: Angela or Martha

By David Benjamin | 05/09/2024 | Comments Off on The Liz quiz: Angela or Martha

by David Benjamin   “As if you were on fire from within/ The moon lives in the lining of your skin.” —Pablo Neruda   PARIS—For most of us, there are few greater shocks in life than to be seen as attractive. It’s against human nature to look in the mirror and perceive beauty unalloyed and…

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The Frankencookies and artisanal Whoppers of Paris

By David Benjamin | 05/02/2024 | Comments Off on The Frankencookies and artisanal Whoppers of Paris

by David Benjamin   “How can anyone govern a nation that has two hundred and forty-six different kinds of cheese?” —Charles de Gaulle   PARIS—The latest trend in French comestibles, started by a baker with too much time on his hands, is the “crookie,” an otherwise traditional croissant grafted with chocolate-chip cookie dough and then…

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Stir-crazy in Dairyland

By David Benjamin | 04/24/2024 | Comments Off on Stir-crazy in Dairyland

by David Benjamin   “Conspiracy is a term which gets slighted. Conspiracy theories have been right about a lot of things.”  —Aaron Rodgers   PARIS—Maybe Wisconsin makes you stir-crazy. I mean, if you’re not from Wisconsin in the first place, and you’re not used to all the men in Wisconsin mumbling, so you have to…

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“Down-the-block” tough

By David Benjamin | 04/19/2024 | Comments Off on “Down-the-block” tough

by David Benjamin   “Don’t let him bluff you, Mr. Louie! Be firm. Stop him!” —Sherman   MADISON, Wis.—“Fight like hell!” quoth the demagogue, twenty feet above his congregation, wreathed in cashmere, framed among flags, shielded by bulletproof glass, flanked by bodyguards.  “Charge!” he roared, dispatching his masses as he slid into his limousine and…

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Sins of the father

By David Benjamin | 04/12/2024 | Comments Off on Sins of the father

by David Benjamin   “The stories of young men searching for their fathers are the stories of young men who through their adventures father themselves by doing for themselves what they hoped a father would do for them.” —William S. Wilson “Someone once said that every man is trying to live up to his father’s expectations…

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A pregnant pause in the word wars

By David Benjamin | 04/05/2024 | Comments Off on A pregnant pause in the word wars

by David Benjamin   “‘You’re not allowed to call them dinosaurs any more,’ said Yo-less. ‘It’s speciesist. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons.’” —Terry Pratchett    MADISON, Wis.—Ever since I heard, in grade school, the passage in Matthew 25—“Truly, I say to you, as you did to one of the least of my brethren,…

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“Who are those guys?”

By David Benjamin | 03/28/2024 | Comments Off on “Who are those guys?”

by David Benjamin   “Sundance Kid: I can’t swim! “Butch Cassidy: Are you crazy? The fall will probably kill ya.” — William Goldman    MADISON, Wis.—Once, many moons ago, while researching a book about inventions, I toured a carpet factory in South Carolina. The company was a giant in its industry, with hundreds of non-union…

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Follicle wars, conformity follies

By David Benjamin | 03/22/2024 | Comments Off on Follicle wars, conformity follies

by David Benjamin “Get a haircut and get a real job/ Clean your act up and don’t be a slob/ Get it together like your big brother Bob … ” —George Thorogood and the Destoyers   MADISON, Wis.—My favorite vignette in America’s endlessly recycling follicle wars appears in Robert Zemeckis’ little-noted but remarkably significant—and fun!—film,…

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A voice in the distance

By David Benjamin | 03/15/2024 | Comments Off on A voice in the distance

by David Benjamin   “Back then, it was students against the institution. Now it’s very different because it’s student against student.”” —Paul Brest, professor emeritus, Stanford Law School   MADISON, Wis.—When I was matriculating at a little liberal arts outpost called Rockford College (pop. 450), there were two noticeably outspoken right-wing students. One, from Boston,…

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