Sports
“Why don’t we pass the time…”
by David Benjamin “Only the Pontiacs, Nashes and cellar-dwelling La Salles are in financial condition to buy any minor league players to improve their clubs at this time.” — Jack Kerouac MADISON, Wis. — I learned baseball solitaire from Dick Albright, my first best friend in high school. He invented a game played with a…
Read MoreArmball: The ancient roots of soccer
Armball: The ancient roots of soccer By David Benjamin “If God had wanted man to play soccer, he wouldn’t have given us arms” — Mike Ditka MADISON, Wis. — Ever since I played two-line soccer at recess in grade school, I’ve been puzzled by the anomaly that soccer is the only team sport that doesn’t…
Read More"Seashells and balloons"
“Seashells and balloons” by David Benjamin “Those (bleepin‘) balloons are staying up there.” — Bill Russell, NBA Finals, Game 7, 5 May 1969 MADISON, Wis. — A dinner with my former boss Patrick inevitably cycles ’round to sports talk. We’re both sports mavens. Our conversation often settles into a comforting cadence, an argot and vernacular…
Read MoreWe're all Yankees now
We’re all Yankees now by David Benjamin “Sympathy is something that shouldn’t be bestowed upon the Yankees. Apparently it angers them.” — Bob Feller MADISON, Wis. — With the insinuation of Brett Kavanaugh onto the Supreme Court alongside three women too old for him to molest, the Trumpniks have scored another victory — and they’re…
Read More"The hard…"
“The hard…” by David Benjamin “JUST a bit outside.” — Bob Uecker, as Harry Doyle, Major League MADISON, Wis. — As long as Japan, Korea and the Dominican Republic keep sending talent to the Major Leagues, no one can credibly claim that baseball is exclusively “America’s pastime.” However, the U.S.A. — specifically, Hollywood — can…
Read MoreWorld Cup Blues
World Cup Blues by David Benjamin “Of course it went to penalties. It always goes to penalties.” — Andrew Das, New York Times MADISON, Wis. — We all agree that FIFA is La Cosa Nostra of fun and games, the most corrupt sports organization ever conceived. At the moment, FIFA’s big show, the World Cup,…
Read MoreValues clarification for football fans
Values clarification for football fans by David Benjamin “You can’t fine somebody for a peaceful protest. We’re not out here holding signs, saying we don’t care about the troops or we don’t care about our country or whatever. It’s a peaceful protest, and it’s something as simple as people just expressing themselves and how they…
Read MoreVacation season
The Packerscreed, by David Benjamin (11/7/17) Vacation season “My life, as I know it, has been taken away from me.” — Nick Buoniconti, brain-damaged former Dolphin linebacker PARIS— Like Bob, in the film What About Bob?, I’m taking a vacation from my worst mental illness — namely, the Green Bay Packers. My vacation officially started…
Read MoreBlack Tidings greet the next Olympics
Black Tidings greet the next Olympics by David Benjamin “We shall not have peace until the prejudices that now separate the different races shall have been outlived. To attain this end, what better means than to bring the youth of all countries periodically together for amicable trials of muscular strength and agility?” — Pierre de…
Read More"Keeping a book"
“Keeping a book” by David Benjamin “A neighbor had a score sheet from the last game between the New York Giants and Brooklyn Dodgers. He recalled the whole game inning by inning, just looking at the scorecard. It was almost like watching a rabbi read scripture. Here he was recalling the whole game. It was…
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