The Weekly Screed

“But, Sister, what if … ”

By David Benjamin | 02/24/2022 | Comments Off on “But, Sister, what if … ”

by David Benjamin “… There’s a limbo moon above/ You will fall in limbo love…” — Chubby Checker MADISON, Wis. — According to a shocking news bulletin, there are deacons in Catholic churches from Michigan to Arizona—and God only knows where else—performing counterfeit baptisms. Over the years, this scandal has affected hundreds, perhaps thousands of…

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Psycho 1: The summit meeting we’d like to see

By David Benjamin | 02/16/2022 | Comments Off on Psycho 1: The summit meeting we’d like to see

by David Benjamin “Potential criminal defendants who are prosecuted on more recent, ‘easier’ grounds are not necessarily brought to justice on each and every instance of wrongdoing. Al Capone famously went to prison for tax evasion, not for his violent crimes.” — Jennifer Rubin, Washington Post SOMEWHERE OFF ROUTE 1, FREDERICKSBURG, Va.— They had maintained scrupulous…

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Confessions of a love bombardier

By David Benjamin | 02/11/2022 | Comments Off on Confessions of a love bombardier

by David Benjamin “One partner, typically male but not exclusively, showers the other person with attention, affection, compliments, flattery, and essentially creates this context where she feels like she’s met her soul mate…” — Chitra Raghavan, professor of psychology, John Jay College MADISON, Wis. — Apparently, one can nowadays sexually harass someone remotely by means…

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Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge

By David Benjamin | 02/03/2022 | Comments Off on Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge

by David Benjamin “You could be walking around lucky, and not even know it.” — Jay Trotter (Richard Dreyfuss) Let It Ride MADISON, Wis. — As I left a little Cape Cod movie house after my first viewing of Breaking Away, I sensed (dimly) that I’d just seen one of my favorite flicks of all…

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Morovia, we hardly knew ye

By David Benjamin | 01/27/2022 | Comments Off on Morovia, we hardly knew ye

by David Benjamin MADISON, Wis. — As the Federal Reserve prepares to raise interest rates, after the biggest annual growth spurt since 1984— with an accompanying inflation  uptick — there is panic on Wall Street, angst at the Federal Reserve and unrest inside the Beltway. Observing all this tsuris, I’m reminded of an obscure historic…

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The Don is dead. Long live — NO! He’s alive, he’s alive!

By David Benjamin | 01/21/2022 | Comments Off on The Don is dead. Long live — NO! He’s alive, he’s alive!

by David Benjamin “MAR-A-LAGO (25 January 2022) — The sudden, apparent demise of ex-president Donald J. Trump on Monday, when he choked to death spectacularly trying to swallow whole a Burger King Triple Whopper that could not be dislodged from his fat-narrowed windpipe despite the efforts of his daughter Ivanka and four muscular bodyguards simultaneously…

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My friend Katz, the right-wing shlemiel

By David Benjamin | 01/14/2022 | Comments Off on My friend Katz, the right-wing shlemiel

by David Benjamin MADISON, Wis. — Katz had the ball. God knows who passed it to him. He couldn’t dribble. Katz was a kid who couldn’t talk and adjust his glasses at the same time. He was the least coordinated kid in our gym class. If he tried to dribble, walk, talk or take his…

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Critical Arithmetic Theory and other parental fallacies

By David Benjamin | 01/05/2022 | Comments Off on Critical Arithmetic Theory and other parental fallacies

by David Benjamin “The digits 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9 are Arabic numerals, developed in the 6th or 7th century in India and later introduced to Europe through the writings of Middle Eastern mathematicians, most notably Al-Khwarizmi and Al-Kindi, in the 12th century. These numerals paved the way for…

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A Murray Christmas to All (Part 2)

By David Benjamin | 12/21/2021 | Comments Off on A Murray Christmas to All (Part 2)

by David Benjamin Author’s Note: In Part 1, as you might recall, Murray Lefkowitz, the drunk Santa banished from the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, applies for a sleigh-driving job with Kris Kringle, but has to assembly a team from his milieu — the down-and-out dregs of New York City. The sleigh squad Murray recruits includes a…

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A Murray Christmas to All (Part 1)

By David Benjamin | 12/16/2021 | Comments Off on A Murray Christmas to All (Part 1)

by David Benjamin Author’s Note: I’ve been writing Christmas stories — most of them the offbeat products of a hard-knock youth — since I was sixteen. Over the ensuing years, I’ve generated enough Benjie Christmas originals (and snatches of sliphorn verse) to constitute an entire anthology, which I plan to publish next year under the…

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