Posts by David Benjamin
Take the money and dribble
by David Benjamin “We don’t go steady, ’cause it wouldn’t be right ”To leave your best girl home on a Saturday night.” —The Beach Boys, “I Get Around” MADISON, Wis.—Notwithstanding the moral clarity articulated in “I Get Around,” the Beach Boys are among the less appreciated ethical philosophers of the past millennium.…
Read MoreSuffer the children …
by David Benjamin “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s ass …” Exodus, 20:17 And so it came to pass that the Republicans of Louisiana decreed that all classrooms in each school of every parish shall array the graven precepts handed to Moses by the Lord and shlepped down from the mount to…
Read MoreSympathy for the Devil
by David Benjamin “So shall the world go on,/ To good malignant, to bad men benign,/ Under her own weight groaning.” ― John Milton, Paradise Lost MADISON, Wis.—Walt Disney has said that a movie’s only as good as its villain. He illustrated this precept with the Evil Queen in Snow White and Cruella……
Read MoreThe original Chucky
by David Benjamin “Death’s gruesome face taunts:/ soulless eyes, crimson grimace. I really hate clowns.” ― Katherine Applegate MADISON, Wis.—Apparently, like its protagonist, the “Chucky” horror-film and TV franchise will never expire. I’ve just noticed promos for a new season of episodes featuring the further exploits of a homicidal boy doll who bears…
Read MoreJohn Ford’s mortal sin
by David Benjamin “The river was dyed with the blood of the slaughtered for two hundred yards. The approximate loss was upward of five hundred killed, but few of the officers escaping. My loss was about twenty killed. It is hoped that these facts will demonstrate to the Northern people that Negro soldiers cannot…
Read MoreMichelangelo strokes his brush
by David Benjamin “I feel naked without a Hi-Liter in my pocket.” — David Benjamin MADISON, Wis.—What would you underline? In ninth grade, when I started buying books—instead of depending solely on the public library—I fell almost instinctively into the habit of underlining paragraphs, sentences, passages, even single words that tickled my fancy.……
Read MoreThe ravaging of Mr. Bartley
by David Benjamin “Colorful demonstrations and weekend marches are vital but alone are not powerful enough to stop wars. Wars will be stopped only when soldiers refuse to fight, when workers refuse to load weapons onto ships and aircraft, when people boycott the economic outposts of Empire.” ― Arundhati Roy MADISON, Wis.—There was…
Read MoreMy name is Sergeant Fozmerlude … I’m a floop.
by David Benjamin “Mary had a blicken oof. Its prooze was white as werf. And glutendot that Mary gleat, The oof was sure to gerf.” ― Garry Moore MADISON, Wis.—Sean Connery stopped me cold the other night while I was watching The Untouchables, director Brian De Palma’s masterpiece. Playing the role of tough…
Read MoreThe other me
by David Benjamin “I just like the idea of trying to write for all those versions of me out there, wherever they are.” —Sherman Alexie “The good writer seems to be writing about himself (but never is) but has his eye always on that thread of the Universe which runs through himself, and all……
Read MoreThe worst of the worst in the whole wide world
by David Benjamin “We shall fight against them, throw them in prisons and destroy them.” —Vladimir Putin “When I look at myself in the first grade and I look at myself now, I’m basically the same.” ― Donald Trump MADISON, Wis.—For a while, I’ve been thinking about who deserves a Top Ten spot…
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