Posts by David Benjamin
Hell in Paradise! Flipper Murdered!
by David Benjamin “All creatures kill—there seems to be no exception; but of the whole list, man is the only one that kills for fun; he is the only one that kills in malice, the only one that kills for revenge. Also—in all the list he is the only creature that has a nasty mind.”…
Read MoreCharlie Brown goes to Paris
by David Benjamin “I wore only black socks, because I had heard that white ones were the classic sign of the American tourist. Black ones though — those’ll fool ’em.” ― Doug Mack PARIS—Hotlips has asked why I bother to compose formularies for American tourists in Paris who might—if offered the right advice—prefer not to…
Read MoreA TV dinner in Paris
by David Benjamin “Never eat anything than has to be explained.” —Snoopy PARIS—Hotlips and I, the other night, took our Japanese guests, Mako and Chikako, out to dinner in Paris, and blundered into Manhattan. From the outside, Lava, a new eatery on rue de la Montagne Ste. Geneviève, looks pretty French. The door and windows…
Read MoreThe eschatological prophet of Jamaica Estates
by David Benjamin “Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said, ‘If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even life itself—such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my…
Read MoreThe cumulative reporter
by David Benjamin “ … Like many policy declarations by Mr. Trump, it is hard to divine his true beliefs, and impossible to assure he will not change position again. He is nothing if not mercurial. His foreign policy views, former aides say, are more often driven by pique and a sense that he has…
Read MoreThe mechanical scrivener
by David Benjamin “ … These [rules governing literary art] require that the author shall: 12. Say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it. 13. Use the right word, not its second cousin. 14. Eschew surplusage. 15. Not omit necessary details. 16. Avoid slovenliness of form. 17. Use good grammar. 18.……
Read MoreIt’s a pie and punch world
by David Benjamin “Conductor, when you receive a fare,/ Punch in the presence of the passenjare!/ A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare,/ A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare,/ A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare,/ Punch in the presence of the passenjare! … “ — Mark Twain, “Punch, Brothers, Punch”…
Read MoreSermon on the Mount, 2.0
by David Benjamin “Now and for all eternity, he will stand at his Savior’s side wearing the glorious crown of the martyr.” — Erika Kirk Shortly after the death of Pope Francis, the president posted a photoshopped picture of himself wearing a golden papal mitre and posing as Pope Donald I. This was only fitting…
Read MoreA lifetime of introductions
by David Benjamin “Call any vegetable. Call it by name, and the chances are good that a vegetable will respond to you.” —Frank Zappa MADISON, Wis.—I studied to become a teacher. I got a degree and everything. I racked up a whole semester of classroom experience at Edgerton (Wis.) High School. There, I stared into……
Read MoreMy big sister’s radio
by David Benjamin “If you don’t like rock ’n’ roll./ Think what you’ve been missin’./ But if you like to bop and stroll,/ Come on down and listen./ Let’s all start to have a ball./ Everybody rock ’n’ roll!/ Oh, baby, rock … ” —Danny and the Juniors MADISON, Wis.—With the possible exception of the…
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