The Weekly Screed

The little boy who wanted all the suckers

By David Benjamin | 06/22/2023 | Comments Off on The little boy who wanted all the suckers

by David Benjamin  “If you’re playing a poker game and you look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.” —Paul Newman   FORT PIERCE, Fla. (November, 2023)—When the trial of ex-president Donald Trump took a strange twist here last month, eventually triggering a lengthy delay in the proceedings, one commentator…

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The counterculture’s B side

By David Benjamin | 06/15/2023 | Comments Off on The counterculture’s B side

by David Benjamin  “… Every town must have a place where phony hippies meet/ Psychedelic dungeons popping up on every street …” —The Mothers of Invention   MADISON, Wis.— The counterculture is back, but in a mirror image, everything in reverse. It’s been with us since 2015 but we’ve barely noticed, because of its dizzying…

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Yabba dabba doo!

By David Benjamin | 06/08/2023 | Comments Off on Yabba dabba doo!

by David Benjamin  “A little song, a little dance/ A little seltzer down your pants.” —Chuckles the Clown, “The Mary Tyler Moore Show”   MADISON, Wis.—Something has happened to TV situation comedies. Or is it me? For much of my life, I’ve been a sort of sitcom maven, not just watching and chuckling but analyzing…

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Oh, yeah? Who says?

By David Benjamin | 06/02/2023 | Comments Off on Oh, yeah? Who says?

by David Benjamin  “”The Roman Pontiff, head of the college of bishops, enjoys this infallibility in virtue of his office, when, as supreme pastor and teacher of all the faithful—who confirms his brethren in the faith he proclaims by a definitive act a doctrine pertaining to faith or morals.” —Catechism of the Catholic Church, Paragraph…

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Multiple choices

By David Benjamin | 05/26/2023 | Comments Off on Multiple choices

by David Benjamin  “What I tell kids is, Don’t get mad, get even. Don’t spend time waving signs or carrying petitions around the neighborhood. Instead, run, don’t walk, to the nearest non-school library or to the local bookstore and get whatever it was that they banned. Read whatever they’re trying to keep out of your…

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Singin’ the bourgeois blues

By David Benjamin | 05/19/2023 | Comments Off on Singin’ the bourgeois blues

by David Benjamin  “Lawd, in the bourgeois town, ooh the bourgeois town,/ I got the bourgeois blues, gonna spread the news aroun’./ Me and Marthy we was standin’ upstairs,/ Heard a white man say, ‘Don’t want no niggers up there … ” — Huddy Ledbetter   MADISON, Wis.—It’s instructive to regard politics, especially nowadays but—really—forever,…

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I want my flag back, and so does Richard Stanz

By David Benjamin | 05/12/2023 | Comments Off on I want my flag back, and so does Richard Stanz

by David Benjamin “I shuddered to think that while we wanted that flag dragged into the mud and sullied beyond repair, we also wanted it pristine, its white stripes, summer cloud white. Watching it wave in the breeze of a distance made us nearly choke with emotion. It lifted us up with its promise and…

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The guy behind the counter knows everything

By David Benjamin | 04/27/2023 | Comments Off on The guy behind the counter knows everything

by David Benjamin  “I’ll have what she’s having.” —Older lady customer at Katz’s deli, When Harry Met Sally   PARIS—As I was wedging my way between two thirsty Frenchmen and awaiting eye contact with the publican behind the bar at Le Baron Rouge, a wine and oyster oasis near the ancient Marché d’Aligre, I thought…

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Loo-ie, Loo-ie … Me gotta go now

By David Benjamin | 04/20/2023 | Comments Off on Loo-ie, Loo-ie … Me gotta go now

by David Benjamin  “The trail of lime trees outside our building is still a public loo … where else are they supposed to go to the toilet in a city where public toilets are about as common as UFO sightings?” —Sarah Turnbull, Almost French: Love and a New Life in Paris   PARIS—Anyone who has…

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The great Texas fart fuss

By David Benjamin | 04/16/2023 | Comments Off on The great Texas fart fuss

by David Benjamin  “Several of the books in question in Llano County have L.G.B.T.Q. themes or characters, or addressed racial inequality, but they also include goofy children’s titles, such as a series of picture books about flatulence.” —N.Y.Times, 13 April   PARIS—Sometimes, I think Congress decided to annex Texas to the USA for the sake…

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