The Weekly Screed

Hermaphrodites in hypothesis

By David Benjamin | 11/10/2023 | Comments Off on Hermaphrodites in hypothesis

by David Benjamin    “The very essence of romance is uncertainty.” — Oscar Wilde   MADISON, Wis.—A lexicographer walks into a bar. More accurately, it’s a gay club. Glenn, the lexicographer, is uneasy—indeed, deeply troubled— not because he’s uncomfortable among the “men” milling, drinking, laughing, talking, flirting and attempting to dance what looks to him…

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Ving Rhames saves democracy

By David Benjamin | 11/02/2023 | Comments Off on Ving Rhames saves democracy

by David Benjamin    “… I believe God has ordained and allowed each one of us to be brought here for this specific moment…” — Rep. Mike Johnson, after election as Speaker of the House   HOLLYWOOD — “I’ve got it! I’ve got it, I’ve GOT it!” Louie “The Lip” Lipset, assistant to one of…

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Israel, Hamas and the revolutionaries of Ed 101

By David Benjamin | 10/26/2023 | Comments Off on Israel, Hamas and the revolutionaries of Ed 101

by David Benjamin   “… We may graduate our students, confer degrees that certify their qualifications as the best and brightest. But we have clearly failed to educate them. We have failed to give them the ethical foundation and moral compass to recognize the basics of humanity…” — Ezekiel J. Emanuel, vice provost for global…

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A portrait of the artist as a portrait of the artist

By David Benjamin | 10/19/2023 | Comments Off on A portrait of the artist as a portrait of the artist

by David Benjamin  “Before I start a book, I’ve usually got four hundred pages of notes. Most of them are almost incoherent. But there’s always a moment when you think you’ve got a novel started. You can more or less see how it’s going to work out. After that, it’s just a question of detail.”…

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The conscience of the news

By David Benjamin | 10/12/2023 | Comments Off on The conscience of the news

by David Benjamin    MADISON, Wis. — My first assignment in journalism, as a college-student stringer for the Rockford (Ill.) Morning Star, was a murder. Alas, it was no mystery. A guy had been killed in a bar fight in Beloit, Wisconsin. The killer was in jail. My editor wanted me to go over to…

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The once and future zombie apocalypse

By David Benjamin | 10/06/2023 | Comments Off on The once and future zombie apocalypse

by David Benjamin    “This is the way the world ends; not with a bang or a whimper, but with zombies breaking down the back door.”  ― Amanda Hocking, Hollowland   PARIS — It has long been one of my items of faith that actor Stanley Tucci has never accepted a bad script. This conviction…

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Paris in an American

By David Benjamin | 09/28/2023 | Comments Off on Paris in an American

by David Benjamin    “They’ll never want to see a rake or plow/ And who the deuce can parleyvous a cow?/ How ya gonna keep ’em down on the farm/ After they’ve seen Paree?” ―Sam Lewis & Joe Young    PARIS — Among my grandfather Archie’s four brothers, my favorite was Uncle Harry, partly because…

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Welcome to the Middle Ages

By David Benjamin | 09/20/2023 | Comments Off on Welcome to the Middle Ages

by David Benjamin    “I don’t want to abolish government. I simply want to reduce it to the size where I can drag it into the bathroom and drown it in the bathtub.”           ―Grover Norquist   It all started when the earth-moving equipment arrived and commenced ripping up the pavement…

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Karma? Schadenfreude? Quel dommage?

By David Benjamin | 09/14/2023 | Comments Off on Karma? Schadenfreude? Quel dommage?

by David Benjamin  “Rodgers’ career probably is over. Few athletes come back stronger than ever from an Achilles’ rupture and, given Rodgers’ flirtations with retirement this past offseason, it’s hard to imagine him putting in 11 months of rigorous rehab just to play one more season.” ―Tom Silverstein, Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel MADISON, Wis.—For the last few…

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Barefoot in the past

By David Benjamin | 09/08/2023 | Comments Off on Barefoot in the past

by David Benjamin  “You can burn my house, steal my car/ Drink my liquor from an old fruit-jar/ Do anything that you want to do/ But uh-uh baby, lay off of my shoes/ Don’t you step on my blue suede shoes.” ―Carl Perkins   MADISON, Wis.— One of my guilty pleasures is Emile Ardolino’s sneaky-smart…

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