The Weekly Screed

A really great — incredible! — foreign policy plan!!

By David Benjamin | 05/05/2016 | Comments Off on A really great — incredible! — foreign policy plan!!

A really great — incredible! — foreign policy plan!! by David Benjamin “His first hundred days would be riveting.” — Ari Fleischer TRUMP HEADQUARTERS, NEVERNEVERLAND U.S.A. — Listen! The first thing we do — first thing! — we buy Mexico. The whole country. I mean, that’s how I do things. I make deals! I’m a…

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Getting Peggy back

By David Benjamin | 04/23/2016 | Comments Off on Getting Peggy back

Getting Peggy back by David Benjamin MADISON, Wis. — We’re getting my sister back. We began to lose Peg, my previously bossy big sister, when her body was taken over by a merciless mystery called lupus. It invaded her kidneys, eventually devouring them. She got a replacement kidney, named Steve, from a young man who…

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Stop Saying That!

By David Benjamin | 04/13/2016 | Comments Off on Stop Saying That!

Stop saying that! by David Benjamin “Literally for Figuratively. ‘The stream was literally alive with fish.’ ‘His eloquence literally swept the audience from its feet.’ It is bad enough to exaggerate, but to affirm the truth of the exaggeration is intolerable.” — Ambrose Bierce, from Write It Right: A Little Blacklist of Literary Faults MADISON,…

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I wanna be Donny's girl

By David Benjamin | 04/04/2016 | Comments Off on I wanna be Donny's girl

I wanna be Donny’s girl by David Benjamin “Dowd is rooting for the bear… She’ll criticize Trump, but ultimately, she’s OK with him, because he plays his gender role in what she has decreed to be an appropriate manner. He’s a boor, a rogue, a bully and a jerk, but… he’s a man, and that’s…

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Pants police pulling for Carolina

By David Benjamin | 03/30/2016 | Comments Off on Pants police pulling for Carolina

Pants police pulling for Carolina by David Benjamin “Lawmakers had focused… on the contention that it might allow men dressed as women to enter bathrooms and commit assaults. There is no evidence that has happened elsewhere, and it is not clear how the North Carolina regulation will be enforced…” — Jonathan Katz, The NY Times…

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“I will bomb the shit out of ISIS…”

By David Benjamin | 03/19/2016 | Comments Off on “I will bomb the shit out of ISIS…”

“I will bomb the shit out of ISIS…” by David Benjamin “I am tired and sick of war. Its glory is all moonshine. It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, for vengeance, for desolation.” — William Tecumseh Sherman…

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“… A new nation, conceived in lunacy…”

By David Benjamin | 03/14/2016 | Comments Off on “… A new nation, conceived in lunacy…”

“… A new nation, conceived in lunacy…” by David Benjamin “There was a young lady named Bright, Whose speed was far faster than light. She went out one day, In a relative way, And returned the previous night.” — Reginald Buller MADISON, Wis. — Sometime last year, the Day of the Tachyon dawned. There is…

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Pain in the morning

By David Benjamin | 03/05/2016 | Comments Off on Pain in the morning

Pain in the morning by David Benjamin “Paris is always a good idea.” — Audrey Hepburn PARIS — Paris is not the city that never sleeps. It not only sleeps, hitting the sack by 5 a.m. at the very latest, but it has a hard time getting up. Paris is the city that rolls over…

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Who put the “mock” in all those mock drafts?

By David Benjamin | 02/29/2016 | Comments Off on Who put the “mock” in all those mock drafts?

The Packerscreed, by David Benjamin Who put the “mock” in all those mock drafts? PARIS — One of the perverse pleasures of being a hardcore fan, in any sport, is the discovery — as you get deeper into the intricacies of inside baseball, inside football, inside croquet, whatever — that the season never ends. As…

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Franco lives

By David Benjamin | 02/28/2016 | Comments Off on Franco lives

Franco lives by David Benjamin “We do not believe in government through the voting booth. The Spanish national will was never freely expressed through the ballot box. Spain has no foolish dreams.” ― Generalissimo Francisco Franco BARCELONA — Every time I come back to Spain, I get this vague inkling of a nation teetering perpetually…

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