The Weekly Screed

The NRA's worst nightmare

By David Benjamin | 06/16/2016 | Comments Off on The NRA's worst nightmare

The NRA’s worst nightmare by David Benjamin “The Bible says that homosexuals should be put to death… Obviously, it’s not right for somebody to just, you know, shoot up the place… these people all should have been killed, anyway, but they should have been killed through the proper channels…” — Pastor Steven Anderson, Faithful Word…

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The universal kitchen table

By David Benjamin | 06/06/2016 | Comments Off on The universal kitchen table

The universal kitchen table by David Benjamin “Out of the kitchen, to stew is to fret, to worry, to agitate. In the kitchen, however, to stew is to have great expectations” — Molly O’Neill PARIS — In another life, with another wife, my in-laws were Ralph and Edie, who lived above a store in Jamaica…

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The Achilles’ kisser of Donald Trump

By David Benjamin | 05/29/2016 | Comments Off on The Achilles’ kisser of Donald Trump

The Achilles’ kisser of Donald Trump by David Benjamin “Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?” — Donald Trump PARIS — It’s a mystery — especially given the example he has established — why none of his opponents for the presidency of the United States have attacked…

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“We could dump it… over the rail”

By David Benjamin | 05/15/2016 | Comments Off on “We could dump it… over the rail”

“We could dump it… over the rail” by David Benjamin MADISON, Wis. — My kid brother, Bill, had no particular plans. His style was to go with the flow, roll with the punches. You could get into Bill’s face but you couldn’t get much lip. He’d find an angle of deflection. He’d step aside with…

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A really great — incredible! — foreign policy plan!!

By David Benjamin | 05/05/2016 | Comments Off on A really great — incredible! — foreign policy plan!!

A really great — incredible! — foreign policy plan!! by David Benjamin “His first hundred days would be riveting.” — Ari Fleischer TRUMP HEADQUARTERS, NEVERNEVERLAND U.S.A. — Listen! The first thing we do — first thing! — we buy Mexico. The whole country. I mean, that’s how I do things. I make deals! I’m a…

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Getting Peggy back

By David Benjamin | 04/23/2016 | Comments Off on Getting Peggy back

Getting Peggy back by David Benjamin MADISON, Wis. — We’re getting my sister back. We began to lose Peg, my previously bossy big sister, when her body was taken over by a merciless mystery called lupus. It invaded her kidneys, eventually devouring them. She got a replacement kidney, named Steve, from a young man who…

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Stop Saying That!

By David Benjamin | 04/13/2016 | Comments Off on Stop Saying That!

Stop saying that! by David Benjamin “Literally for Figuratively. ‘The stream was literally alive with fish.’ ‘His eloquence literally swept the audience from its feet.’ It is bad enough to exaggerate, but to affirm the truth of the exaggeration is intolerable.” — Ambrose Bierce, from Write It Right: A Little Blacklist of Literary Faults MADISON,…

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I wanna be Donny's girl

By David Benjamin | 04/04/2016 | Comments Off on I wanna be Donny's girl

I wanna be Donny’s girl by David Benjamin “Dowd is rooting for the bear… She’ll criticize Trump, but ultimately, she’s OK with him, because he plays his gender role in what she has decreed to be an appropriate manner. He’s a boor, a rogue, a bully and a jerk, but… he’s a man, and that’s…

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Pants police pulling for Carolina

By David Benjamin | 03/30/2016 | Comments Off on Pants police pulling for Carolina

Pants police pulling for Carolina by David Benjamin “Lawmakers had focused… on the contention that it might allow men dressed as women to enter bathrooms and commit assaults. There is no evidence that has happened elsewhere, and it is not clear how the North Carolina regulation will be enforced…” — Jonathan Katz, The NY Times…

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“I will bomb the shit out of ISIS…”

By David Benjamin | 03/19/2016 | Comments Off on “I will bomb the shit out of ISIS…”

“I will bomb the shit out of ISIS…” by David Benjamin “I am tired and sick of war. Its glory is all moonshine. It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, for vengeance, for desolation.” — William Tecumseh Sherman…

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