The Weekly Screed

The Trumple with tribbles

By David Benjamin | 05/28/2020 | Comments Off on The Trumple with tribbles

by David Benjamin “China has been working very hard to contain the Coronavirus. The United States greatly appreciates their efforts and transparency … I want to thank President Xi!”  — Trump MADISON, Wis. — 1) Let’s give the president an iota of credit. A popular perception is that he spends his days — save for…

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Saving Alaska from literature

By David Benjamin | 05/20/2020 | Comments Off on Saving Alaska from literature

by David Benjamin “So now do you see why books are hated and feared? They show the pores in the face of life. The comfortable people want only wax moon faces, poreless, hairless, expressionless.”  — Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 MADISON, Wis. — The latest illiterate school board to get into the book-banning biz is in…

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Pandemic notes 1.0: First pants, then shoes

By David Benjamin | 05/14/2020 | Comments Off on Pandemic notes 1.0: First pants, then shoes

by David Benjamin “With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation’s wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow,…

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This can’t be happening to us

By David Benjamin | 05/06/2020 | Comments Off on This can’t be happening to us

by David Benjamin “After the Black Death came the Renaissance. From the depths of economic horror came Roosevelt’s New Deal. From this horror, so far, come the senseless twists and turns of the orange Narcissus.”  — Roger Cohen, N.Y. Times MADISON, Wis. — Although I can’t explain why, I’ve always enjoyed reading books about fatal…

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Here’s mud in your eye

By David Benjamin | 04/27/2020 | Comments Off on Here’s mud in your eye

by David Benjamin “I can’t believe I have to say this. But please don’t drink bleach.”  — Joe Biden MADISON, Wis. — I can’t believe I’m saying this but Joe Biden, bless his heart, must be wrong. After all, the White House’s crack medical team — led by Jared “Doc” Kushner and his faithful sidekick…

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The soiling of the American flag… again

By David Benjamin | 04/23/2020 | Comments Off on The soiling of the American flag… again

by David Benjamin “… The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery. It should never be festooned, drawn back, nor up, in folds, but always allowed to fall free… The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever… No part of the flag should ever be used…

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There is no God but God… except for you-know-who

By David Benjamin | 04/16/2020 | Comments Off on There is no God but God… except for you-know-who

by David Benjamin “To say no to President Trump would be saying no to God, and I won’t do that.” — Rev. Paula White MADISON, Wis. — Ever since Donald Trump landed ego-first on the Resolute desk like a 250-pound sack of Yukon Gold potatoes, I’ve been mystified — not by his supporters, fans, cronies…

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Absence makes the heart grow fonder, dude

By David Benjamin | 04/09/2020 | Comments Off on Absence makes the heart grow fonder, dude

by David Benjamin “By April, you know, in theory, when it gets a little warmer, it miraculously goes away.”  — Trump MADISON, Wis. — Yo, Big Don. I hope you don’t mind me calling you that, But hey, it fits. I mean, big? You’re larger than life, yo. And you are the Don! So, anyhow,…

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“Why don’t we pass the time…”

By David Benjamin | 03/31/2020 | Comments Off on “Why don’t we pass the time…”

by David Benjamin “Only the Pontiacs, Nashes and cellar-dwelling La Salles are in financial condition to buy any minor league players to improve their clubs at this time.”  — Jack Kerouac MADISON, Wis. — I learned baseball solitaire from Dick Albright, my first best friend in high school. He invented a game played with a…

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“Won’t ya let me take you on a sea cruise?”

By David Benjamin | 03/25/2020 | Comments Off on “Won’t ya let me take you on a sea cruise?”

by David Benjamin “No one reached out to me and said, ‘As a senior citizen, are you willing to take a chance on your survival in exchange for keeping the America that all America loves for your children and grandchildren?’ If that’s the exchange, I’m all in.”  — Texas Lieutenant Gov. Daniel Patrick WASHINGTON, D.C.…

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